Thursday, August 30, 2007

The Eagle Shits Today

The eagle shits today.

It is nearly 1:00 am as I write this. I have to be ready to leave for work at 7:00 am the next morning.

But the eagle shits today.

I have been operating on a minimum amount of sleep for the past 1-1/2 weeks.

But the eagle shits today.


---

Allow me to explain in less cryptic terms. First, the conversation that prompts this post at a wholly inappropriate time of night.

[Brian] Well, the eagle shits today.

[Me] < riotous laughter > ...What?!

[Brian] You've never heard that before? Its a military thing. We are getting paid today. You know, the eagle represents the US government.

[Me] < Silence induced by brilliance >


---

Yes, this is what the conversation was like at about 12:30 am today. Brian and I were driving back from Homerville, Georgia. A town of approximately 2,777 people. We have been working there for the past 1-1/2 weeks on one of the toughest projects that Brian or I have ever done.

Immidiately images popped into my head. A myriad of disturbing, potentially hilarious images. Mostly centering around a stylized bald eagle, squatting over a nondescript spot in some appropriately nature filled background. His shoulders (if you can call them shoulders) hunch, he waddles back and forth on his two legs for a moment and then settles in.

Eyes bulging for a moment, the giant bird tenses and then relaxes. A small adjustment of the feet once more and the eyes bulge again. This time the sequence is followed by a small, heavy, metallic clink as another golden eagle pellet drops onto a pile.

The eagle shits today.

My dad has an endless supply of sayings that provide an endless source of entertainment for Casie and I. "The eagle shits today" is just the latest addition. Here is a list of the other phrases that I can remember either hearing first hand or having been reported by my sibblings.

Its raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock - refers to a torrential downpour

I have to pee like a racehorse - refers to needing to go to the bathroom very badly

Its colder than a well-diggers ass in the Klondike - when its very cold out

Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra - I am not sure where I got this one, but it is obviously a play on the previous

Its dark as a sack in here - reserved for only the darkest of environments

The eagle shits today - payday

To celebrate the induction of this saying into my regular vocabulary I submit this haiku:

I want to go home
But the eagle shits today
Small consolation


And to think, I hated writing poetry in high school.

I apologize about this post. It is late and although the unveiling of the new saying has lifted my spirits, I still find myself in Homerville, Georgia. I hope this provided at least some source of entertainment.

5 comments:

Stephanie said...

Joe, don't apologize I found this post very entertaining. Thanks

Colleen said...

This was a great post Joe. You actually write very well. I am trying to think of more Papa-isms for the collection. :)

Carla DeSilva said...

other Papaisms I recall off the top (perhaps more to come)

- Zero Dark Thirty (really early in the morning)

- take that out and throw rocks at it. (that sucks compared to this great thing here)

- caught in a vortex (taking way too long to do something)

- that sucks wind (self explanatory)

- the POS model

-

Carla DeSilva said...

- really gave me the red ass

Joe said...

Carla, your contributions are very appreciated